


Unshaken

by Whiteasy



Series: Stolen Moments of Home [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftermath Of Trost Arc, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28777950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiteasy/pseuds/Whiteasy
Summary: Bertholdt had noticed it before; the way Reiner sometimes took the role of the soldier everyone admired a bit too seriously. It had puzzled Bertholdt for a long time. And it had scared him to ask Reiner about it, afraid of the answer he’d get.
Relationships: Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Series: Stolen Moments of Home [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789216
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Unshaken

“We couldn’t have avoided it.” Bertholdt blurted, in an attempt to break the heavy silence that fell between him and Reiner. He swallowed thickly as his eyes at the bloodied scene surrounding them; what remained of Trost, of their comrades. 

_Of the enemy._

Neither of them dared to saunter off to where they left Marco for meat. 

Bertholdt could almost feel the bile rise to his mouth as intrusive images of the incident (murder) flooded his brain. At some point, the smell of decaying human insides didn’t seem so dreadful. He was barely hanging on a thread from just falling apart. 

Annie didn’t seem to be faring much better than he was. Just like all of the searching team, she was wearing a mask due to the nauseating smell of corpses. Yet, Bertholdt could still make out her sunken eyes and the way she seemed to look even paler, as if the blood was sucked out from her veins. 

He wished he could say something to her– anything– but he refrained from doing so. Whatever he’d say wouldn’t bring her any comfort, the same way he knew nothing nobody else could tell him to make him feel remotely human after what they just committed, again. 

So, he left her to her own devices, faintly noting the way she stood over Mina’s headless corpse, muttering hollow apologies over and over again. Annie knew more than anyone else that the dead didn’t hear her, let alone talk back.

Or forgive any of them for their sins. The same way the living wouldn’t either. 

There was one person, however, who Bertholdt couldn’t fathom his actions. Hasn't been able to for quite a while now. 

_Reiner._

Bertholdt had noticed it before; the way Reiner sometimes took the role of the soldier everyone admired a bit too seriously. It had puzzled Bertholdt for a long time. And it had scared him to ask Reiner about it, afraid of the answer he’d get. 

And truth be told, he had been right in being wary. Bertholdt he had gotten his answer mere hours ago, when the same warrior he knew– _the same Reiner_ – left Marco behind them after stripping him off of his maneuvering gear, then watched in horror as a titan chewed on his bones before its neck was sliced open by the same man who offered it human meat in the first place. 

Bertholdt had been too shocked to decipher any of Reiner’s actions. He had just watched the befuddling scene unfold in front of him from afar, tears streaming freely down his face, the gears inside his brain motionless. 

Bertholdt had concluded that the spell that fell upon Reiner has yet to be broken, when he told Annie to skip the fruitless apologies in favor of putting the fallen soldiers to rest. 

So, he waited until later that night when they were getting ready to go to bed, mind hyper alert despite the exhaustion of the day nagging at him, to finally approach Reiner. 

“I killed Marco... and everyone else.” Reiner whispered as soon as Bertholdt laid back in their shared bunk. He was facing away from him.

Bertholdt held in his breath, heart hammering inside his chest as he tried to listen in to any rustling of sheets or hitch of breath. Everyone was sound asleep from sheer fatigue. 

“We couldn’t have avoided it.” Bertholdt repeated the same words he had uttered hours before. They still sounded unconvincing to his ears because Bertholdt knew the truth. And so did Reiner. 

“We **could’ve**. That's the problem here; everything could’ve been avoided yet, we... _I_ keep making the same mistakes over and over again. 

“It’s me. It’s always been me, Bertholdt. _I’m_ the _problem_. I should’ve never been here– I was never _meant_ to be here. Marcel made a grave mistake by bringing me here. Porco would’ve done a great job. He would’ve brought you all home years ago, he–” 

“He can’t bring anyone home.” Bertholdt cut him short, feeling himself begin to hyperventilate. It was as if his body was mirroring Reiner’s panic, “Porco and Marcel can’t do anything to fix this because _they’re, not, here."_

Reiner turned to look at him then. It was pitch black inside, the moonlight hidden by the clouds of a late October night. However, Bertholdt could tell Reiner was crying. 

“Reiner, we don’t have the time to wonder about the ifs and buts, because it is done now. And we can’t go back and change it. It’s **never** been in our power to.” Bertholdt whispered back resolutely. He wasn’t sure if his words were meant to convince Reiner or himself. 

“I need you to focus on what we should do from now on. We need–” 

“To get into the Military Police, and then... then we’ll be able to go home.” Reiner said in a measured voice and Bertholdt felt tears well in the corners of his eyes. Reiner was back. _His_ Reiner was, back. 

“We will go home, no matter what it takes.” 

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, these ficlets don't follow a chronological order. I just write what strikes my fancy from time to time. 
> 
> I don't know how many of you are aware of this but, Mishafer and I are currently hosting a Reibert Week 2021 or "Reibert last Hurrah" to celebrate our favorites one last time before the manga ends. Details of the event can be found [here](https://twitter.com/RBLastHurrah/status/1348740468809543681)  
> and [this is where the prompts will go.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1wSF0cRucmMA46QOYSMMgfpv-w51wHq1AoDTjMIgCZmg/viewform?edit_requested=true)  
> Seven winning prompts will be immediately revealed after closing down the voting. You can suggest as many as you want so have fun!  
> I hope you'll join us in this last ride xx


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